Allen Parr Is Wrong About Remarriage
A couple weeks ago, Christian YouTuber Allen Parr posted a video titled “Most Christians Won’t Accept This Teaching on Divorce, But It’s Biblical.” For the most part, his take is solid and insightful. Parr is not afraid to speak unpopular truths about this issue.
That said, there’s a section of his teaching that deserves a response, because, in my view, the truth is even more unpopular. The Bible is even more limiting, and more controversial, than Parr acknowledges.
Parr states that, biblically, there are three grounds for divorce and remarriage:
Desertion (1 Cor. 7:15)
Adultery (Matt. 5:32; 19:5)
Divorced before conversion (2 Cor. 5:17)
I take issue with this claim, because while the Bible is clear that all three of these scenarios may qualify as grounds to get or remain divorced, it’s not so clear that anything other than adultery is a ground for getting remarried. In fact, with the exception of sexual immorality, I don’t see the Scripture clearly saying remarriage to another person, while the first spouse is living, is ever acceptable. Let me explain.
Adultery
I’ll start with where Parr and I agree. I agree that adultery (or, more accurately, sexual immorality) is a biblically acceptable ground both to get divorced and to get remarried. My reason for affirming this comes from Matthew 19:9, where Jesus says, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Best I can tell, this is the only place in Scripture where this exception is clearly stated. Jesus says something similar in Matthew 5:32, but it could be taken to give a ground only for divorce, not for remarriage. In 19:9, however, Jesus shows it as a ground for both. He warns that anyone who gets divorced will be committing adultery if he marries someone else, unless the reason for the divorce was his wife’s sexual immorality.
Besides that—and this is where my disagreement with Parr begins—Jesus gives no other exception. That means, in all other cases, the divorcees can only either be reunited or stay unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). The only way this principle can be amended is if another exception clearly appears somewhere else in Scripture. As far as I see, no such exception appears.
Desertion
Regarding the issue of desertion, Parr points to 1 Corinthians 7:15, which states, “if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” Parr—as many others—takes the fact that “the brother or sister is not enslaved” to mean that the Christian divorcee is free to remarry.
But it seems to me that this phrase may simply be saying the spouse is not enslaved to the first marriage, not that he or she is free to remarry. Some have suggested that the believer would not truly be free from the marriage if they could not remarry, but I don’t agree. Married life and single life are miles apart; you can be free from a marriage without being free to marry someone else.
Using this rather ambiguous phrase to sanction remarriage strikes me as a weak argument, especially in light of what Jesus says about remarriage. He says plainly, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11–12). It can hardly be clearer than that.
Elsewhere, Jesus says, “everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt 5:32). So, if the wife was divorced wrongfully (i.e., she hadn’t committed adultery), then that divorce makes her commit adultery (if she remarries, presumably—and if her first husband is alive; cf. Romans 7:1-3). Also, the one who marries her will likewise be committing adultery.
What Jesus says here would apply directly to a case of desertion, since desertion in itself is not sexual immorality. If the deserter goes on to commit sexual immorality—which, admittedly, may be hard to know in some cases (and, honestly, is probably likely in most cases)—then an argument could be made that that changes things. But until then, the deserted spouse would be committing adultery if she remarries.
Whoever who would disagree with this has the burden of proof, since Jesus speaks with such clarity here, and since 1 Corinthians 7:15 is not clear enough to provide an exception to what Jesus says.
Divorced Before Conversion
Parr points to 2 Corinthians 5:17 to support the claim that Christians who were divorced before their conversion can remarry. The verse says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
I can understand the logic of reading this verse and concluding that divorces before conversion don’t count, and that the new Christian is free to start with a clean slate. But I’m not sure that’s a sound application.
By that same logic, wouldn’t we have to conclude, for example, that a murderer who comes to Christ should be free from any punishment for his crime? I don’t think that’s what the verse means. There are things we may do prior to conversion that still have social or legal consequences. God’s pardon of us in heaven doesn’t negate every consequence of our past sins in this life.
Plus, if 2 Corinthians 5:17 is taken to mean that the new Christian starts with a clean slate, what about the not-so-new Christian? Are his sins counted against him in a way that the new Christian’s sins aren’t? Does God see our sins after conversion differently from our sins before conversion?
No! All of it is forgiven and forgotten. In terms of our relationship to God’s law, our slate is permanently clean. We don’t only become new creations; we remain new creations. We don’t only start fresh; we stay fresh. That’s because our newness is tied to being “in Christ.” And once you’re in Christ, you’re in Christ for good.
That means, to God, our sins after conversion are no different from our sins before conversion. Why then would the rule for divorce and remarriage be different before and after?
Conclusion
Our modern sensibilities tell us that if someone’s not married anymore, they’re free to remarry, period. But the Bible doesn’t say that. With only one exception, the Bible says remarriage is adultery.
This is a hard truth, and—as Allen Parr’s title says—most Christians won’t accept it. But we must. We must align ourselves not with our culture’s ideals, nor with our own desires, but with God.
Marriage is permanent. Permanent. That should motivate the not-yet-married to make a good choice when choosing a spouse. It should motivate the married to work out their difficulties. And it should motivate the divorced to either reunite with their spouse or resolve to be celibate.
Now, I don’t begrudge Parr for his perspective. But for the reasons I’ve described, I’m not convinced that anything other than sexual immorality or the death of one’s first spouse counts as a ground for remarriage.
Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.