Could You Ever Forgive Amber Heard?
The Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard trial that ended earlier this month garnered massive worldwide attention, a groundswell of support for Depp, and a lot of criticism for Heard.
One social media influencer who closely followed and commented on the trial was the body-language expert and mentalist known as Spidey, who runs a YouTube channel called The Behavioral Arts.
Spidey analyzed clips from the trial, related interviews, and more, and has made clear his professional (and personal) opinion that Heard is—in my words—full of it. He is far from alone in that assessment.
But on Friday, he posted a thought-provoking question to his YouTube community that I think is worth considering:
Million dollar question!
Is there ANYTHING Amber Heard can do now to redeem herself in your esteem?
I've been thinking about this a lot. I've been examining the evolution of my feelings towards Amber and how are first I gave her the benefit of the doubt and analyzed as I would normally, without prejudice. But then one thing after another happened and here we are.
But let's say she got on a video tomorrow and sincerely apologized for what she's done (and when I say sincerely, I mean assume you actually believed her) and suppose she admit that she needs help and that her BPD has caused her to perceive Johnny under a negative light that does not reflect reality.
If she took real accountability and saw the error of her ways…
Would it be enough? For you?
The post included a survey with two choices:
I can see myself for giving her if she had a sincere reflection.
Nope. She is beyond redemption.
Twenty-three hours later, with 62K votes, the results were that 27% of voters were willing to forgive her while 73% considered her beyond redemption.
Now, here’s another question (from me this time): is there a correct Christian answer to the question Spidey posed? Here are two points of reflection.
1. No one is beyond redemption.
Christians know (or ought to know) that if anyone is beyond redemption, everyone is. Why is that? Because everyone is completely evil.
As it is written: ‘None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.’ . . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God . . .
Romans 3:10-12, 23
While we can rightly judge that Heard’s abuse, manipulation, and lies are evil and repugnant, we can’t look too far down our noses at her—because we ourselves are evil and repugnant.
And if you think, “I haven’t done anything as evil as that,” consider what the apostle James wrote, referring to the law of God:
For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.
James 2:10
How can that be? The website BibleAsk explains helpfully, “A person who stumbles in one commandment breaks all because the law is not merely a collection of separate principles; it is a perfect harmonious revelation of the divine will.”
Because holiness is a unified thing, violation at any point is a violation of holiness as a whole. If you poke a bubble, the whole bubble will pop, no matter where you poked it.
Plus, if you judge yourself to be “not so bad,” you must admit your judgment is bound to be biased. By contrast, the apostle Paul wrote:
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.
1 Timothy 1:15
Instead of “I’m not that bad,” you’d be closer to the truth if you said, “I’m the worst.” After all, consider what you deserve:
the wages of sin is death
Romans 6:23a
Because of your sin, you deserve the death penalty. That’s not merely physical death, but eternal death in hell.
If that seems excessive, then you’re going too easy on yourself. God’s standard of moral behavior is perfection. And you are far from morally perfect.
But although you deserve all that, even you (and even I) are not beyond redemption, because:
the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23b
and
whoever believes in [God’s Son] should not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16b
“Whoever”—whether that’s you, me, or Amber Heard. Because of Jesus’ death, which paid the penalty for sin, no one is beyond redemption.
So, the thoughtful Christian cannot really choose the second option of Spidey‘s survey. But does that mean we should be willing to forgive her?
2. Withholding forgiveness is not an option.
First off, on one hand, you might wonder if you even have a right to forgive Amber Heard, since her offenses were not exactly against you. For the same reason, you might wonder if you even have the right to be angry at her, personally.
On the other hand, she did in a sense lie to the entire world, and that would include you and me, so there’s that. And she did abuse and lie about a world-famous celebrity, ruining his reputation—which has an indirect negative impact on anyone who is a fan.
Plus, there are potentially some serious societal consequences to the kind of lies she told. If she had gotten away with it, it would be a win for the worse aspects of the #MeToo movement: the guilty-until-proven-innocent approach… an abuser and manipulator being enabled and empowered to continue her abuse and manipulation in another form…
Not only that, but abuse hoaxes can cause problems for real abuse survivors. There are at least two ways:
Investigating and litigating fake abuse takes time, attention, and resources away from dealing with actual injustices.
If abuse hoaxes are prevalent or perceived to be prevalent, it may promote more skepticism than is due toward claims of abuse.
In other words, while Heard wanted to set herself up as a voice for the #MeToo movement, she actually hurt the good of the movement (accountability for abuse) and illustrated the bad. None of that is good for any of us as a society.
So, let’s say that her lying is indeed an offense against all of us, and especially against real abuse survivors, and we do indeed have the moral right to be personally offended by it. Does that mean we’d have the right to withhold forgiveness if she confessed and apologized, and we believed her to be sincere?
Well, to be realistic, after everything she has done and said, it would probably take more than an apology video to believe that she’s sincere. But let’s go with it: would we have the right to withhold forgiveness from a contrite Amber Heard?
The Christian answer is “no.”
Not only should you forgive her in such a circumstance, but you must. Jesus told the following parable to illustrate the necessity of forgiveness:
Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.
Matthew 18:23-35
For those who have been forgiven as Christians have been, forgiving others is nonnegotiable. Jesus also says this when He teaches us to pray “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
Why pray this?
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
Granting forgiveness to others is required in order to receive forgiveness from God. So yes, for the Christian, to withhold forgiveness from a repentant Amber Heard is not an option.
Final Thoughts
Now, where things get even more interesting is when we ask if we should forgive her even if she’s not repentant. I don’t have time for a full-throated discussion of that here, but I will say there’s something to the cliché that “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Biblically, we could point to Romans 12:19:
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
Romans 12:19
Yes, forgiving even the unrepentant is an act of trust in God and His ultimate justice. But even so, forgiving someone needn’t depend on trusting her or even having anything more to do with her. We can forgive Amber Heard (or someone like her), wishing that she gets well and entrusting her to God’s justice, and also as a matter of prudence keep far, far away from her.
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Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.